*True story*
Background music:
It all started when I performed my umrah last Ramadhan last year. I felt a loss if I didn't make a specific doa about jodoh, seiring dengan doa-doa yang lain, duniawi wa ukhrawi.
So I prayed for this one man that I respect and admire. If I define him, I would say: PURENESS IN DARKNESS.
Long story short, I include his name in my dua after my prayers. And I intend to request him through UBM (baitul muslim, guna orang tengah). A friend of mine inspire me by saying, kita boleh memilih, dipilih atau terpilih. So hey, lets memilih, (entry ni pasal love kan, so kita cite pasal benda ni je k ;p)
10 month after my umrah, I don't know how, I got the strength to actually isi the borang and stuff, bagitau ke orang tengah. I cried a lot that day, not knowing is this feeling, nafsu or seru. Haha.
A month later, I got his answer from orang tengah. He decline. (He won't know siapa yang request). At first I felt relieve, no regrets because I already berusaha and its not my jodoh. But after some times, I keep on crying. I felt so much in pain... alone.. I can't get over this.. I cried to Allah, how broken heart I am.
Kau secara teorinya tahu apa itu sabar, apa itu redha. Kau tahu ujian itu berat. Tetapi, bila kau diuji, masyaAllah, kau tak ingat dah segala teori tersebut.
"Apakah manusia mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan hanya dengan menyatakan, "Kami telah beriman." dan mereka tidak diuji?" [Al-Ankabut:2]
Setiap orang diuji mengikut apa yang dia sayang/fikir. Ada yang tidak diuji dengan cinta, mudah je jumpa first love then kahwin. Ada yang diuji dengan harta, keluarga, anak, ibu bapa, studies, kerja. Macam-macam. And I believe, waktu diuji, Masyaallah, that feeling of just hoping for Allah. Kau terduduk, pandang ke langit dan hanya mengharapkan Allah.
8 month after kena reject, I wrote a really lengthy letter to him. Being honest and tell him just everything. Because, I want to let go. I want to throw this burden and suffocation from my chest. It is too much for me to handle. I want to live my life.
And alhamdulillah after that I got a lengthy reply too, the most nicest rejection I can say.
"Now imagine pula liyana, that person reaches to you in darkness and that person wants to live her life with you. How can he, a charcoal, be a leader of a family to a beautiful gem that Allah loves so much."
I felt like, ya Allah, You love him so much. You make him join jemaah, You make me pray for him, You must have love him so much. Does he even realize that?
That was the questions I have.
And I just realize that this was my first rejection selama 25 tahun hidup. Patutlah sedihnya lama sangat.
I was busy with my studies lately, Extremely busy and stressful too. Then suddenly one night, I got a message from my ex-student. He thank me for teaching him math, he got a better grade. Alhamdulillah. I totally need that message. Then I watched a video from Aida Azlin - "Waiting for a life partner?" I felt calmer, i think i can move on insyaAllah.
Suddenly the next day, I got invitation to his wedding. Allahu. I felt like I was just happy yesterday and now, what a shock! I message him to congrats him. Apparently his future wife is a pious person. And their relationship was so long time ago. Whaaaatttt? Why didn't he just tell me he was in relationship before? (Alhamdulillah, he'll get a perfect wife for him and the best for his deen insyaAllah)
Now I totally understand.
That letter was totally from Allah to me (through him, perantaraan je)
The main watak was ME the whole time.
I always thought that it was him.
Ya Allah. You love ME. And I was so blind.
Alhamdulillah this 1 year and a half, all these pain & tears, to get this letter from You, to be a better me. May I be a better servant to You ya Rabb.
I'm Allah's gem :')
Sebelum ini secara teorinya aku tahu kahwin kerana Allah, Allah akan bagi jodoh tepat pada masanya dan tepat pada orangnya. Sekarang, aku telah melalui satu praktikal dan aku yakin Allah telah menyiapkan aku supaya dapat mengharungi kehidupan pada masa-masa akan datang. Inilah yang terbaik untuk aku, Tidak kiralah kita memilih, dipilih atau terpilih, itu semua hanyalah asbab.
Whatever comes to us, tiada satu pun yang sia-sia.
Beruntungnya orang yang beriman, walau perkara baik atau buruk yang berlaku, semuanya adalah baik bagi dirinya, kerana itu adalah daripada Allah Tuhan semesta alam.
Your life has written by the best Writer.
Background music:
It all started when I performed my umrah last Ramadhan last year. I felt a loss if I didn't make a specific doa about jodoh, seiring dengan doa-doa yang lain, duniawi wa ukhrawi.
So I prayed for this one man that I respect and admire. If I define him, I would say: PURENESS IN DARKNESS.
Long story short, I include his name in my dua after my prayers. And I intend to request him through UBM (baitul muslim, guna orang tengah). A friend of mine inspire me by saying, kita boleh memilih, dipilih atau terpilih. So hey, lets memilih, (entry ni pasal love kan, so kita cite pasal benda ni je k ;p)
10 month after my umrah, I don't know how, I got the strength to actually isi the borang and stuff, bagitau ke orang tengah. I cried a lot that day, not knowing is this feeling, nafsu or seru. Haha.
A month later, I got his answer from orang tengah. He decline. (He won't know siapa yang request). At first I felt relieve, no regrets because I already berusaha and its not my jodoh. But after some times, I keep on crying. I felt so much in pain... alone.. I can't get over this.. I cried to Allah, how broken heart I am.
Kau secara teorinya tahu apa itu sabar, apa itu redha. Kau tahu ujian itu berat. Tetapi, bila kau diuji, masyaAllah, kau tak ingat dah segala teori tersebut.
"Apakah manusia mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan hanya dengan menyatakan, "Kami telah beriman." dan mereka tidak diuji?" [Al-Ankabut:2]
Setiap orang diuji mengikut apa yang dia sayang/fikir. Ada yang tidak diuji dengan cinta, mudah je jumpa first love then kahwin. Ada yang diuji dengan harta, keluarga, anak, ibu bapa, studies, kerja. Macam-macam. And I believe, waktu diuji, Masyaallah, that feeling of just hoping for Allah. Kau terduduk, pandang ke langit dan hanya mengharapkan Allah.
8 month after kena reject, I wrote a really lengthy letter to him. Being honest and tell him just everything. Because, I want to let go. I want to throw this burden and suffocation from my chest. It is too much for me to handle. I want to live my life.
And alhamdulillah after that I got a lengthy reply too, the most nicest rejection I can say.
"Now imagine pula liyana, that person reaches to you in darkness and that person wants to live her life with you. How can he, a charcoal, be a leader of a family to a beautiful gem that Allah loves so much."
I felt like, ya Allah, You love him so much. You make him join jemaah, You make me pray for him, You must have love him so much. Does he even realize that?
That was the questions I have.
And I just realize that this was my first rejection selama 25 tahun hidup. Patutlah sedihnya lama sangat.
I was busy with my studies lately, Extremely busy and stressful too. Then suddenly one night, I got a message from my ex-student. He thank me for teaching him math, he got a better grade. Alhamdulillah. I totally need that message. Then I watched a video from Aida Azlin - "Waiting for a life partner?" I felt calmer, i think i can move on insyaAllah.
Suddenly the next day, I got invitation to his wedding. Allahu. I felt like I was just happy yesterday and now, what a shock! I message him to congrats him. Apparently his future wife is a pious person. And their relationship was so long time ago. Whaaaatttt? Why didn't he just tell me he was in relationship before? (Alhamdulillah, he'll get a perfect wife for him and the best for his deen insyaAllah)
Now I totally understand.
That letter was totally from Allah to me (through him, perantaraan je)
The main watak was ME the whole time.
I always thought that it was him.
Ya Allah. You love ME. And I was so blind.
Alhamdulillah this 1 year and a half, all these pain & tears, to get this letter from You, to be a better me. May I be a better servant to You ya Rabb.
I'm Allah's gem :')
Sebelum ini secara teorinya aku tahu kahwin kerana Allah, Allah akan bagi jodoh tepat pada masanya dan tepat pada orangnya. Sekarang, aku telah melalui satu praktikal dan aku yakin Allah telah menyiapkan aku supaya dapat mengharungi kehidupan pada masa-masa akan datang. Inilah yang terbaik untuk aku, Tidak kiralah kita memilih, dipilih atau terpilih, itu semua hanyalah asbab.
Whatever comes to us, tiada satu pun yang sia-sia.
Beruntungnya orang yang beriman, walau perkara baik atau buruk yang berlaku, semuanya adalah baik bagi dirinya, kerana itu adalah daripada Allah Tuhan semesta alam.
Your life has written by the best Writer.
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